I am writing about effectively parenting teenagers, yet I am not even a parent and won't be parenting teens for a while. So I acknowledge your skepticism. However, I do remember being a teenager. I also notice many characteristics in the teens I work with week to week. So based on these observations and wisdom from the Bible, here is my advice. It is not exhaustive, and many of you probably do these things well. But here is a friendly reminder of some things teens need.
- Unconditional Love. In John 15:12, Jesus commands His disciples to love one another as He has loved them. The teen years are where feelings of insecurity and worthlessness can wreak major havoc. I hear teens so concerned with how they look, their status, or their friend group. One thing that seems to bring stability during a very tumultuous stage of life is loving parents. Make sure that your teen knows that you love them, and nothing can separate them from your love. Because that is how Jesus loves us. We all will miss the mark on loving these students perfectly, but ask God to help you be an example of His love to your student.
- Authenticity. Teenagers are pretty good at seeing through people who are being fake. So be real with them. Every day when my mom would drop me off at school, she would say to me, "Go make a difference in someone's life today." At first I didn't really realize what she meant. But then she began to take me to bring food to our widows and shut ins. I would see her talking to my friends whose parents had split up. She would regularly pray with people, whether they felt comfortable praying or not. She defined what she was telling me to do by living it out on a day to day basis. James 1:22 says that we are to be doers of the word, not merely hearers. If you tell your teenager to read the Bible and that it is extremely important, but you never pick up your own Bible then you are sending mixed signals. They are going to be most impacted by seeing a real passion and faith in your own life. And if your struggling to have that passion, be honest with your teen and invite them to join you as you try and seek the Lord.
- Wisdom and Guidance. Your teenager may think they know more than you, but they obviously don't. You have been in their shoes and have the wisdom to help steer them in the right direction. Will they always listen? Of course not! But teens do need their parents to give them tough advice. To discipline them. To help them see consequences in choices they are making. All of this should go hand in hand with unconditional love, but it is loving to prevent your teen from going down a path of destruction, even when it hurts their feelings. You can't prevent others from making bad choices, but you can constantly instruct them with wisdom. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6.
- Time. I know we all know this is important. But sometimes it is very hard to make space for others when we have demanding schedules. Most teens that are performing at some level will scan the crowds to see if their parents are there. Teens want consistency and to know they can depend on their parents. I know some people can't be at everything for their kids, but make sure your family is a priority. Not every conversation you have will be life altering, but make some space so you have the opportunities to have those life altering conversations. Jesus invested much time into His disciples, and leading others to be like Christ happens in a relationship. Make sure you are carving out time to make your teenager feel secure, special, and loved.
- Leadership. The Bible often compares us to sheep, and sheep tend to flock together and blindly follow whoever is leading them. Our teens are looking up to someone or something and following it. Make sure you are following Jesus, the Good Shepherd, and live your life in a way that pleases the Lord. You are going to be the example your child sees more than anything else. Don't be passive and think there is nothing you can do to lead your child. Actively lead them in the way they should go. Pray with them. Read with them. Serve with them. Ask forgiveness when you make a mistake. Forgive others when they make a mistake. Be patient. Be kind. Love your neighbor. This ties in to many of the other ones, but take an active role in leading your teen to follow Jesus.